How to Get Back Into Dating After a Long Dry Spell



  • There is nothing wrong with a dry spell, but you may want it to end. This guide shows how to get back into dating after a long dry spell.
  • Considering how to get back into dating can be tough when you’ve had a dry spell. At some point, though, you will need to come to grips with the need for it.
  • Marriages fall apart every day at a rate of 50 percent or higher, according to the American Psychological Association. Relationships fare no better.
  • The uncertainty around putting yourself out there is understandable, but you can improve your chances of success and get back your mojo. You just have to follow these 12 steps.

1. Work On You

  • The first thing to tackle if you want to know how to end a dry spell is yourself. What are your hangups? What keeps others from liking who you are.
  • You may wish to consider counseling to get to the heart of your foibles and frustrations. This can help you understand the type of person you do want to be, which is so much more helpful than avoiding the person you don’t want to be.

2. Make Peace

  • Another step to take when learning how to start dating again is to make peace with the past. Forgiveness is one of the most helpful tools for doing so.
  • However, you need to look at forgiveness from multiple perspectives. For starters, it’s something you need to give yourself as much as (or more than) you need to give it to other people.
  • Also, forgiveness isn’t about forgetting. It’s about resolving that the past will no longer have a hold over you. If you’re going to make your present dating life live up to its potential, this must be addressed.

3. Enjoy Time With Yourself

  • The dating scene is fast-paced and opportunistic. There are more ways to get a date today than ever before, thanks in part to dating apps and their widespread acceptance.
  • Before you can make the most of your efforts on those apps, though, you need to spend time with yourself. More importantly, you need to figure out how to enjoy the time you are spending alone.
  • Only by doing so will you have some benchmark to go on. When you get to the point that you’re able to say, “Is this person worth me giving up my alone time?” you’re well on your way to loving who you are.
4. Picture Your Wants More Clearly
  • Want to know how to get more dates? Take inventory of what it is you want from those encounters. Then, go for people who want the same things, and don’t try pulling the wool over anyone’s eyes.
  • We’re all adults here. It’s okay to not want the same things, be honest with one another, and move onto the next person.
5. Understand What Has Not Worked
  • Learning how to date again is as much about knowing what hasn’t worked as what has worked. Probably more so.
  • Look back over your past relationships to see similarities in the types of relationships you’ve had. Did they fall apart in similar ways? What was the deciding factor?
6. Control Your Timeline
  • You don’t have to rush back out there. You can, and should, take your time to work through all the steps we’re presenting here until you are completely comfortable with dating.
  • Never set a deadline for getting married, remarried, or finding your way into a serious relationship. Focus instead on the person you are dating and making the most of it.
7. Stay in the Shallows at First
  • Too many people go into dating wearing their intentions on their sleeves. That can feel empowering, but it’s going to be a hindrance more often than not. That’s because you’re valuing the institution more than the person with whom you’re spending time.
  • Look at dating as a chance to get to know people. Keep things fun and casual until you can see the true potential in the chemistry you share with that person.
8. Listen More Than You Speak
  • Nothing is a bigger turnoff than always talking about yourself. It is a self-absorbed way to approach dating, and it won’t attract the right type of person, nor will it make you seem like the right type to someone else.
  • To help with this, use restraint. Go into the date reinforcing the importance of listening to yourself. If you feel you’re starting to over-share, pause, and redirect the conversation to your date.
  • Giving each other a chance to speak is vital to building a healthy relationship. (Don’t worry. If it is a healthy relationship, your date will reciprocate!)
9. Open Up to New Possibilities
  • Have you always date a specific size, ethnicity, body type? Break out of the mold. This is your chance to expand your horizons and see what you’ve been missing.
  • Opening up to new possibilities isn’t confined to the type of person you’re dating either. It’s also about the experience. Use it as an opportunity to explore each other’s differences to see if you can find love for a new hobby or interest.
10. Be Positive

Keep conversations and outlooks as positive as possible. No one likes a defeatist who always sees the bad or inferior in things. It’s a tiring cycle of depression that no one will (or should) wish to partake.

11. Know How Apps Work

    • Some apps are more for hookups. Others are about getting to know someone. Still, others focus on a series of highly-specialized interests or even religious and political beliefs.
    • Learn why people post on these apps and tailor your profile to be appropriate to the app itself. If an app does not align with your motivation for dating, don’t use them!
    12. Date for the Right Reasons
    • Don’t date for hookups or to get married. Date to genuinely get to know a person, and be open to holding onto relationships as friendships even if you see there isn’t a real “love connection” there.
    • When you make people the focus of your dating, you’ll enjoy it a lot more. You will more than likely find what you’re looking for, too.
    Learning How to Get Back Into Dating Takes Time

    We hope this look at how to get back into dating will set you on the course for a successful relationship. Ready to get started? Consider downloading TheVIPGroup app for iOS or Android, and meet your next match today!

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